Pirate, Caesar, and a Mouse Named Tom

Years ago I had a feline companion named Pirate. He was a stray I took in. He was an excellent hunter who would mouse on command. Very intelligent cat; understand English, sometimes complied with instructions like, "Get your tail out of the way" and, "Go to the foot of the bed" when I didn't want him sleeping wrapped around my face. I named him 'Pirate' when the first night he lived with me he hove along side, boarded my plate, and stood there licking the sauce off of my spaghetti.

Anyhow, some years later, we acquired an orange marmalade tom about six months old whom we promptly named 'Caesar' because he walked in like he owned the place. Pirate mostly ignored him and let him think he was important. One day, not long after he had arrived, I was sitting in the living room when a mouse ran across the hearth and darted behind a potted plant. Pirate immediately hunkered down and started to crawl across the floor on his belly. I said, "Pirate, wait." So he settled down right where he was, watching intently. He became one with the floor—great ninja cat trick. None of the other living creatures in the room saw him.

Caesar eventually noticed the mouse when it ran out the other side of the potted plant and pounced. He missed and the mouse scurried behind plant. He came out the other side. Caesar noticed, pounced and missed. Mouse ran behind plant and out the other side. Another miss by Caesar. Mouse started doing this on purpose, and got Caesar all riled up just like a cartoon cat so he was perfectly out of sync. When he pounced on one side, the mouse was on the other side. When he pounced on the other side, the mouse was back on the first side. Caesar eventually became so frustrated he sat on his haunches looking vexed.

Whereupon the mouse came out from behind the plant, stood on his hind feet, and started wagging his whiskers and waving his paws at him. It was a perfect field mouse performance of "Nyah nyah nyah." Poor Caesar, mocked by a mouse! He didn't try to pounce this time. He knew he couldn't get it. He sat there in abject humiliation. I mean, really. Here was a creature about the size of a teaspoon who couldn't have weighed more than a few grams harassing a creature about a 600x larger than himself!

At that point I leaned down and whispered, "Okay, Pirate. Go get him." Ziiiiiip! Black lightning streaked across the floor and caught the mouse by the scruff of the neck. He trotted over to me and presented the captive. The mouse hung paralyzed in his grip with the "HOLY SHIT WHERE DID THE CAT COME FROM?" look on his face. I told the mouse, "Pride goeth before a fall."

I fetched a plastic bowl, held it in front of Pirate and said, "Drop it." He plopped the mouse into the container. I took the mouse outside and set him free, unharmed.

You just can't let the cat eat Tom from the Tom & Jerry Show.

Tom never came back in the house, and I'm sure he never taunted any more kittens after that.

The Adventures of Timmynocky the Sailor Cat, a true story

Those of you have visited my website at picasaweb.com/kujakupoet will familiar with Timmynocky, the junior of our two cats here on the Kalmar Nyckel. We are here at Harborfest in Norfolk, Virginia, so if you are, stop by, ship visition is noon to 1730. But I digress.

Timmynocky is normally allowed to roam free when we are in port. He knows how t find his home and returns for food, which is provided to the cats only at regular scheduled times so we can secure them when it'stime to leave. Timmynocky was allowed off his leash and went ashore Thursday night. I was last watch of the night and stayed up a whle on account of teh heat. Timmy returned about midnight in the company f two beautiful young blonde women. They were very concerned about his welfare. They found him a mile and a half a y, caught him, and called the number on his name tag. That is the ship's office number, which is not o at midnight. TImmy escaped them, and they went in pursuit with the intent to take him to a shelter.

For two hours they pursed the cat. He eventually arrived back at the ship, jumped inthrough the gunport, and disappeared in a huff. I could tell he was annoyed. The young women then told me about what a great cat he is an how worried they were for him, etc. They told me about his capture and escape, and grabbign teh fronts of their blouses, pulled them around and showed me how he can left his pawprints all over them. Now I happen to be gay, but I am not blind, and the actions of shapely young women flapping their shirts nad drawing attention to the way TImmy had his paws all over their breasts is one of those memorable moments in a sailor's life. I was thinking to myself that the straight male members of the crew would be envying the cat. I excerted my self control and remained politely bland and appreciatve of their concern for the cat.

Next day captain put Timmy into his harnes in addition to his callor and made a new tag. A ship's business card with the ship's cell p[hone number and an explanation off who and what he was, beginning with the words, "I am not lost," was affixed. Next day, I was the recipient when a rather handsome pirate from the pirate tavern courteously returned the cat, even though he had only been thirty feet from the ship. Apparently, "I am not lost" and "I belong to the ship right in front of you" is not sufficient. Once again I thanked Timmy's rescuer, and privately told him appreciated his consideration in bring home a suitable man. However, it was a public festival so I was obliged to express my thanks to the hansome pirate in the customary way.

Friday night Timmy once again appeared with a beautiful young woman on his arm. I was visiting the Godspeed that evening, and looking over the rail, I saw a woman with Tim in her arms going by, so went ashore and received him. This time, Timmy was in trouble with the law. The Nofolk police had apprehended him and explained to her that pets were not allowed at the festival, and that all pets had to be leashed and harnessed. They said if he was picked up again he was going to jail. I mean, Animal Control would take him to a shelter. So this young lady wwalking the waterfront looking for his ship. I received Timmy back, thanked her, and carried hiim homde.

we were far along the waterfront and Timmy was purring up a storm and totally relaxed in my arms. You could tell he was w pleased with himself and thoroughly enjoying his run ashore. Once we came within sight of the Kalmar Nyckel he tensed up and began to resist. I shanghaied the cat and brought him aboard against his will. He had a few words of cat profanity for me as he was brought before the officer of the watch. The officer of the watch was not inclined to humor the shore police, and asked if they were harbor patrol or regular police. I reported that I didn't know, but they had side arms. Reluctantly the mate curtailed Timmy's shore leave.

Timmy was confined to the brig by being leashed and secured to the ship. He was in a royal sulk and gave me and the mate the "you-effing-traitor" look. The mate apologized profusely to him. "Sorry, dude, but it cost a hunred bucks the last time we had to bail you out."

Is this cat a true sailor, or wh? He goes ashore, picks up women, gets busted by the police, and thrown in the brig. He has a more exciting life than the rest of the crew combined.

~K~

Posted while aboard S/V Kalmar Nyckel

Catzilla! Cat Tanka Call for Submissions

Call for Submissions

Catzilla!

Cat Tanka & Kyoka

Catzilla! Cat Tanka & Kyoka is an anthology on the theme of cats edited by M. Kei. It will be published in the fall of 2010. The anthology will feature tanka, waka, kyoka, tanka sequences, tanka prose, tanka acrostics, shaped tanka, extended tanka, and any other creative use of tanka, waka, and kyoka in homage and affection to the felines we have known.

READING PERIOD: April 1, 2010 - June 30, 2010.

SUBMISSION ADDRESS: Keibooks (at) gmail (dot) com

Please do not subscribe this email address to any list, forwards, invitations, or any other item.

TOPIC: They say a genre of poetry has arrived when it produces its first anthology of cat poems. While most cat poems have been long on cute and short on depth, Catzilla! (in spite of its humorous title) seeks works that have significant literary value as well as feline appeal. Cats have been objects of worship or fearful demons, lifelong companions or feral strays skirting the edge of human life for thousands of years. They endlessly fascinate, amuse, and frustrate their human friends (and enemies!), so it is only right that they should have a tanka anthology to call their own.

POETS: Poets are invited to submit up to thirty tanka, kyoka, or waka for consideration for Catzilla! Both new and previously published works are acceptable. Previously published works must show credits including title of the book or journal or other source, city and name of publisher, and the date. Appearing in Catzilla! must not violate any other previously existing rights and the poet’s submission will be taken as certification that they are the holder of the copyright or the lawful representative of the copyright holder.

No simultaneous submissions.

FORM: We are seeking tanka and tanka-variations, loosely defined. Tanka, kyoka and waka are short poems composed of five poetic phrases. Classic Japanese tanka were written in a pattern of 5-7-5-7-7 syllables, but English-language tanka are less regular. We will accept any variation of tanka, waka, and kyoka. Each five line poem MUST stand on its own merits. When submitting longer works such as sequences or shaped tanka, each tanka must be autonomous; it must make a coherent statement on its own. We prefer untitled poems. Brief footnotes are acceptable when necessary to translate an unfamiliar term or concept.

INTERNATIONAL: We welcome international submissions that include English translations. Correspondence for the anthology will be in English, although we can read Spanish and French and some other languages for queries.

PAYMENT: We regret that the only payment for inclusion in this anthology is publication.

RIGHTS: We require digital and print world anthology rights. This gives us the right to publish a book and an electronic version of the book. It also grants us the right to use the accepted poems as part of promotional materials for the anthology. All other rights remain with the author.

EXCLUSIONARY CLAUSE: In the event of previously unpublished works, we acquire the right of first publication and the author agrees to not submit the works for consideration elsewhere or to publish the works until 90 days after Catzilla appears. After 90 days the author is free to submit or publish wherever they wish, provided subsequent publications credit Catzilla!

MANUSCRIPTS: We prefer to receive email submissions. Please use a large, plain font. NO ATTACHMENTS. All email submissions must be sent as plain text in the body of the email. Please set your spam filters/permission levels to allow our response. If we cannot contact you, your poems will automatically be rejected!

ANNOUNCEMENTS: We strongly recommend joining Keibooks-Announce (at) googlegroups (dot) com to receive updates about the project. This is an announcement-only list that generates no more than 0-4 emails per month.

CONTACT INFO: All submissions must include legal name, pen name (if any), postal address, telephone number and email address. Translators and agents must include a statement indicating that they are authorized to act on behalf of the author(s). In the event of multi-author submissions, the contacting author must include a statement that they are authorized to act on behalf of the other participating author(s). It will be the responsibility of the contacting party to keep the author(s) s/he represents up to date on relevant details of the submission and anthology.

AGE: All contributors must be sixteen years of age or older to comply with privacy laws in the United States.

BIOGRAPHY: No author biographies will be included. Authors should include their country of origin when submitting; this material may be included or omitted at the publishers' sole discretion.

RESPONSE TIME: Rejections will generally be within four weeks. Acceptances may take longer.

PURCHASE: Catzilla! will be available through Lulu.com and major online booksellers. It will be printed in the United States of America. Due to circumstances beyond our control, international buyers may receive better service through Amazon.com or other major online bookstores. Catzilla! will be available as an e-book as well as trade paperback.